Hysterectomy Update..

As some of you know, I had to have a full hysterectomy last Summer. By "full" I mean that my Uterus and both of my ovaries were removed. I had fibroid tumors that were growing at the speed of light and my uterus was the size of a woman carrying a 22 week old fetus by the time I had my surgery. Anyway, this operation threw me into what is called 'surgical menopause'. I was fine for about 10 days and then WHAM! I was a basket case. I started taking a synthetic hormone since I do not like the way the mares are treated to excrete what is needed to make the Premarine (spelling??) hormone. (for those of you who do not know - this most popular hormone is made from mares urine)

The synthetic drug did NOTHING for me. I might as well have been taking sugar pills. I was miserable. I was having 10-20 hot flashes a day and crying my eyes out. My hot flashes did not feel hot like "temperature hot" but hot like someone had cut me open and implanted Jalapeno peppers inside of me!

I had no choice but to change my meds to a low dose patch of Premarine. It took about 2 days, but I felt much better on this drug. My crying episodes stopped and my hot flashes went down to just a couple per week.

Six months after my surgery though, I was still having hot flashes and they seemed to be on the increase - now at least 1 per day. Add to this, I felt a horrible sense of dread. Now - I am one of the most upbeat, positive, love to laugh people out there. I have never had a problem with depression, so this was quite new to me. I hated being alone. I found myself much more sensitive and easily got my feelings hurt.

I contacted my doctor and again we have changed my hormone meds. I was just wondering if any of you ladies have experienced this? If so, can you share your experiences with me. If you don't want to post it on the blog - please e-mail me at juliesize@yahoo.com

Thanks!

Just A Note About My Hysterectomy..

I thought I would share with you the pro's and con's of my hysterectomy..since it has been a bit over 3 months post-surgery.

PRO'S
1. The obvious...no period.

2. No cramps

3. No mood swings...at least once I went on the Estrogen patch!

4. No swelling days..that includes hands, feet and boobs!

5. No huge weight swings..if my weight goes up, it is because I am gaining and if it goes down..I am losing! End of story!!!

6. I know what the general belief is...that we get fat after such a surgery..but I swear I am eating more and NOT gaining weight!

7. No more pain during intercourse (from the tumors)

8. I no longer look pregnant!

CONS

I would like to say that there are none..but I want to be totally honest.

1. I have a new scar. Yes it is really low...but a scar is a scar...and I can't stand for it to be touched.

2. I am dependant on a hormone patch for ?? (length of time)

3. I do feel a pulling sensation when I am doing physically challenging thing..like lifting something heavy...ie 50# feed bags.

If anyone has any questions..I am more than happy to try and answer them. I know that I was quite nervous about it prior to my surgery.

How Are We Doing?

Lots of really nice bloggers and friends ask me how Don and I are doing and here is the most honest answer I can give you:

Don - He still struggles daily with all of the strange and changing side effects from the meds he is on. Last night - he was up and down all night long with leg cramps again. I lost count of how many pills he takes per day and am not sure how he can keep up since some are taken twice a day and others are taken once a week - still others are prescribed to be taken "as needed". He misses having the energy he had only last year - tiring easily. Many times though he pushes through his fatigue to finish a job started. I cannot thank him enough for this..especially when the job at hand has been one of my chores while I was recovering. We have our eyes set at the end of the tunnel - which for us will arrive in December when he can get off of the chemo. We know that there is a 50% chance the Hep.C can return over the following 6 months, but we choose not to talk about it. Don taught me something to tell myself when I get into stressful situations ... "Cross that bridge when and IF you get there!"

I don't know if you know this...but I left Don a couple of years ago. We were separated for almost a year. I moved in with my Father during that time and we were days away from being divorced. God changed Don. That was probably easy compared to God getting me to soften my heart! ha ha. Don told me that God used the situation (me leaving) to completely change him because He knew Don would need me during this time. Neither of us knew Don was ill when we got back together. We do not know what the future holds....but you know what??...we will cross that bridge when we get there!

Julie - It has been almost 6 weeks since my total hysterectomy. I thought I would have been further along in my healing than I am. I feel tons better, but just not 100% yet. I have not ridden, but I would have tried if it had not been raining every day. I have a burning sensation between the old appendectomy scar and the new lower bikini cut scar. The area also swells - especially if I have done anything physical. I frown about it because it looks really strange if I am not wearing girdle type panties under light weight clothes. You probably already guessed this - but I am very very strict on myself about the way I look...the physical shape I am in. I have not had plastic surgery ..unless you count a scar removed from my face when I was in first grade!

I went 12 days without any kind of hormone deficiency symptoms. Day 12 though was D-day for me! I started having hot flashes that stopped me in my tracks. It would start with a tingling feeling above my ears. Then I could literaly feel my pores fill with fluid just before I was soaking wet. They were so severe that although I was drinking plenty of fluid, my urine started to darken! I went to the doctors office. Because I object about the way the PMU mares are treated - I wanted to get on synthetic hormones. She prescribed pills. I started taking them immediately. They did NOTHING for me. I doubled the dose without permission ...with little relief. At the worst..I had over 30 hot flashes in one day and, in part due to someones insensitive joke during this time...I was bawling my eyes out for 2 days straight! My doctor called in a new prescription for an estrogen patch. Within 12 hours, I was feeling back to normal again.

I have lost about 6 or 7 pounds. I am not sure how much of that was my uterus though - since I was told it was 10 times the normal size. My waist is smaller, but the area below my belly button pooches out a bit. Because of this - some of my clothes are still uncomfortable. I hate that.

I am not aging well ...am I?

My Doctors Appointment

Yesterday morning I drove into Houston to meet my Dad. He lives in a high rise where the new rail system travels directly from his home to the towers where my doctors office is located.

We arrived 15 minutes early. As we sat in the waiting room I told him he could come in with me if he wanted to.
"Oh I planned on it!" was his response.

I don't know if it is because I came from a medical family or because I lost all modisty when 2 male doctors I had never seen before ended up delivering my daughters...but I was fine with him overseeing it all.

He was curtious, going behind a curtain when I changed into my gown and standing by my head as my doctor checked my internal incision...but he was right there with her when inspecting my external incision, swelling and general abdominal condition.

It makes me laugh...but all in all, I am so glad to have my angel of a Father watching out for me.

Dad "She says she has a tightening in between her appendectomy and hysterectomy incisions."

Doc "Yes - that is normal, but should go away by the time I see her again."

Dad ".and what about the pain she has along the edges of her incision?"

Doc pushes on my lower abdomen as I cringe "That is from the suture knots which will dissolve."

Dad starts to talk again...when I interrupt..."HEY - it is my turn to ask questions! When can I have sex again?!"

Laughter broke out in the room.

More talk about my hot flashes and the decision was made to put me on a low dose synthetic estrogen. Synthetic is NOT made from mares urine. I do not oppose the use of the urine...but the way the poor mares are treated who are the urine donors...so I was incistent upon this.

I pick up my medicine this morning ...in fact I will leave to get it right after I finish this post.

OH yeah - the fever was nothing more than what I thought...me fighting off a cold or virus. I did pop 2 stiches..but no real harm seems to have been done. I still want to know when I can wear this:

Getting Better But.....

..again I have had a set back. I started to run a low grade fever. Not sure why, but I think that since I also had a scratchy throat, I may have been fighting something off. Anywho - I am -- this close to getting bed sores and I am BORED! I have been working on some craft projects and will post some pics soon.

Just wanted to say HI and thank you to all who have taken the time to ask about me. You don't know how much it means!!!

((((((((hugs))))))))))))

A Slight Set Back...

...and an Adirondack chair.This nice chair got me into a world of trouble. You see - I bought 4 of them at the bargain price of $29.99 each(I think). The price was good even though they come unfinished AND unassembled. I thought I would just hang onto them and build them during my recovery period...and I built this one last week... What a BAD idea!!!

First - in order to build it, I had to sit on the floor. OMG - I was alone and I thought I would never get back up! Secondly, the cordless drill probably weighs over 5 pounds...which I never realized until I tried using it after this surgery. I could feel my abdomen tighten up every time I lifted the dag blasted thing..and then lastly...the 3rd and final thing I had not thought about. As I assembled parts of the chair..well, they had to be connected to other parts and both parts weighed over 5 pounds....stupid stupid me...

Well lets just say that this chair cost plenty more than $29.99. I had to go back on my pain meds for 2 days after it was built!

The List - READ THIS even if you don't read anything else about my surgery!

What you need if you go into the hospital and have any kind of abdominal surgery!

This list is real..my comments may be funny and sometimes a bit crude..but I am being totally honest!

1. Short night gown. Bring 2-3 that are mid thigh to knee length. Best if they button down the front - but I was unable to find this type so I bought over the head styles. A mid to short robe is handy too. You will be parading down the halls...it's your choice what your "Float" looks like!

2. Soft peppermints. My mouth was very dry after surgery. It was the first physical thing I noticed about myself. Those mints help the natural saliva flow again.

3. Cough Drops! Holy CRAP.. these things should be issued by the hospital for their patients. You can not sneeze. You cannot cough. You cannot even clear your throat without ripping pain that will bring you to your knees! I coughed one time ..on my way to reach my cough drops and OH MY GOD!!!! After the tears cleared from my eyes, I was shocked to see that my guts had not spilled out on the floor in front of me. You will need these for no less than 2 weeks after your surgery.

4. A stomach pillow. Something to hold over your stomach in many circumstances. When I coughed or sneezed, the pillow did little for me other than dry my tears...but it was useful when I had to go to the bathroom. Instead of pushing...I rolled my body over the pillow and allowed it to push on me.

5. SUPER Control top panties. Buy a few in your size and several in the next larger size. These are like abdominal crutches for my body! The reason I referred to them as 'Super' is because you need to get the ones that are made of the mesh fibers. The front panel should be a bit stiff. My stomach is still distended and that swelling puts even more pressure on the wound. The panties actually relieve a lot of that pressure. Note: It is NOT easy to get them on and off! You must devise a plan so that you do not let the top band ever hit the incision. The first time I put mine on, I did it while lying down on my bed. The second time was quite a bit different since I did it after using the bathroom and we don't have a bed or even a fainting couch in our bathroom!

6. No less than 1 person whom you can call upon 24-7 if you need ANYTHING! Trust me - there are a lot of people who will tell you prior to your surgery, "Call me if you need anything!" ..and it is nothing more than a polite statement. You really need to know who is going to be there for you and it is best not to rely on just one person. My list included several different people at different times...as not to wear out my welcome with any one person:

My Dad - for the hospital stay

My Husband - graveyard shift

My Daughter Joy - Evening farm chores, cleaned house, entertainment (okay that came from her massive dog whom enjoyed sleeping with me!) and my beck and call girl..even to the point of helping pull me up into a sitting position from laying down those first couple of days.

Debbie...OMG Debbie! I will be eternally grateful for everything she has done for me. She lives just down the road and that was very important...but still she was ALWAYS there, ALWAYS willing and what amazed me..she just went out of her way to do things for me that I had not even asked for...cooked food, restocked my caffeine when I was out, fed the animals when Don was on late shift so they did not have to wait to eat, and if it was inconvenient for her..you NEVER would have known it. I could go on and on.... and BTW - she is hardly ever on a computer and is not someone who reads my blog.


There are other things that are nice to have..like a headband is good when you know someone is coming to the hospital to visit you...it won't make you beautiful..but might tame the bed head a bit.... but the list above are of the MUST HAVES. I truly hope this helps someone!

(((((HUGS)))))

The Hospital Stay - Part 3

Late Monday evening I became more aware of my suroundings. My mouth was very dry but did not hurt. I discovered a numb spot about the size of a grapefruit on the outer side of my upper left thigh. I had a morphene pump and although I tried not to use it much, I found myself squirming around in discomfort every 15 minutes or so. I was allowed to push it every 10 and later was repremanded by a rather large and commanding nurse for waiting until I hurt to use it! Later that night another nurse came in to take out my cathater. I was more than ready to rid myself of that bondage but understood that from that moment on it was up to me to get to the bathroom if I needed (with help of course!)

0245 and I found myself wide awake. The last time someone came to check on me I asked to have my things placed within my reach. I grabbed my cell phone and started writting text messages to my family and friends. I received quite a few funny returns when they saw what time I had written to them! Everything was backwards for me though. I had slept all day and was now wide awake.

Dad arrived just as I was finishing up my breakfast. He was ready to get me up and going. I was game. I was thankful that just a few weeks earlier my oldest daughter Emily, had helped me to pick out a few gowns for my stay. I had already changed out of the traditonal Flasher style, Thin as chiffon, View your breasts though the huge arm holes, Hospital Gown! Not only did I NOT want strangers to look at my body as I was recovering...but I had NO desire to look at the other "Hall Walkers" bodies as they passed my room!

Dad helped me to the side of the bed. He waited patiently as I scooted off the side and onto my feet. It took a moment to stand straight..as if I was stretching and unfolding myself. He attached a strap about me just under my breasts. It was there so if I started to lose my balance, he (my 85 year old Dad) could grab the strap to steady me. I was glad he did not have to use it. We made a short stroll up and down the hall.

When I returned to my room I noticed a beautiful bouquet of fresh assorted flowers was waiting for me. Dad handed me the card. It was from one of my best friends, Debbie. They were stunning and I don't think she will ever know how much they meant to me.

Later that afternoon my youngest daughter Joy, came to see me. She came bearing an important gift... fresh fruit and soft peppermints! Soon I am going to post a list of things I wish someone had told me I would NEED to get through this kind of operaton...and soft mints was one of them!

...to be continued

Part 2 - The Surgery

Don turned around and looked at my distressed face and came back to give me an apologetic kiss. Dad stood behind him smiling.

The nurse wheeled me into the operating room corridor. I was left outside the suite watching people going to and fro. Lots of people greeted me and it was nice not to be ignored. The tears however, continued to fall. I met my anesthesiologist, my nurses and then my doctor came.

"Are you alright?" she inquired.
I just nodded.

Right behind her was the anesthesiologist. He injected something into my IV saying it would help to calm me. I was wide awake. I felt it go into my hand. It burned. After a few more minutes they wheeled me into the operating room. It was fairly large - but typical. I remember scooting from the gurney over to the operating room table. A few exchanges between the nurse and that was it.

"Julie...Julie...would you like to see your husband and your Father?" a voice came out of the darkness.

I was nodding yes before I got my eyes open. I looked back and forth. People were everywhere. Nurses and staff hurrying up and down the center hall. Patients on either side of me only separated by curtains. It felt like a MASH triage unit...like organized confusion. My eyes roamed back and forth looking and searching...and then a figure came into view that I recognized. It was Don. He approached me cautiously and he looked nervous. Dad was behind him and came to the other side of my bed.

"You look good Julie." My Dad said enthusiastically.

"Liar." I thought and too drugged to roll my eyes at him. My thoughts were confirmed when I had to stop him from trying to comb my hair!

I felt like something was pressing down on top of me. All I knew was that I wanted to get out of there and into my room. It seemed an eternity until they wheeled me out. I could hear Don and Dads muffled voices following. The ceiling lights rolled over me as we progressed. Into the elevator and down more halls until finally we came to what was going to be my room...my space - at least for a while. It was a private room, modestly decorated but very comfortable. I slept most of the day away...and regretted not asking Don to stay with me that first night...

..to be continued

Hit by a Bus..Part 1

Yes - that is the best explanation I can give you as to how I feel!

For anyone who does not know, I had to have a hysterectomy last Monday. Only 6 days ago. My uterus which should have normally been only 50 grams was over 500 grams and was the size of a woman carrying a 20 week old fetus because of 3 large and growing fibroid tumors. Fibroid tumors are not dangerous...but the larger they grow, the larger the blood supply they demand and the more dangerous it is to remove them. I was way past the point of being able to have my hysterectomy done vaginally. I had to have mine removed abdominally, which makes for a longer recovery time...a bad thing for me since I wanted to start to show horses again this Fall. I will only be starting to ride again when our first show opens. Sadly - I will only be in the stands - cheering on my friends.

Don and I spent the night at my Dad's the night before the surgery. He lives very close to the medical center. We awoke about 4:45am to get ready. We rode the train over to the hospital and checked in just before 6am. I was nervous, but things went well until they tried to put the IV into my left hand. For some reason it would not thread into the vein and it was very painful. I was in tears. Another nurse was easily successful with my other hand. The tears continued though.

I know for a fact that I have no desire to have more children...but this was more than that. You see - by having this operation, I had to let go of having the choice of having more children. Logically I doubt my uterus could have sustained a full term pregnancy...but a tiny part of me still grieved. I don't know if anyone realized that.

They allowed both my husband and my Father to stay with me before taking me into the surgical suite. When it came time for us to part, the nurse instructed them to go one way and she started to push me down a different hallway. I flipped my head around watching the 2 most important men in my life walking away...NEITHER had kissed or hugged me or anything! (too used to doing what women tell them to do maybe..) but I let out a loud, "HEY! Aren't you even going to tell me good-bye?"

...to be continued..

I'm Still Here....I Think

...OUCH!

Okay - so we are going to try this again!

Surgery is scheduled for this Monday...Don't forget about me!