Divisions...

..as quickly as a flash of light, yet with a great softness.. I just no longer had any feelings for this man whom I once believed to be my eternal soul mate. A man whom I had to risk losing my inheritance to marry. There was a great abyss of void inside of me. So many informed me that through the divorce process, my heart and mind would waiver back and forth. This never came to pass though. What was done was done and with much inner peace, I ended the marriage.

The outside was a different story. It was with extreme emotion, I told my Mother of my situation. I did not have difficulty admitting that she was right about his lack of character..but owning up to the fact that I would be the very first person in our family history to get a divorce, sored me like nothing else had. It drove me to remind her that I was adopted...to which she just laughed and hugged me tighter.

Yet another area of confusion and stress was my church. So much had happened through the years.. the small intimate congregation I had become a family with was split when the small structure burned to the ground. A large insurance check took the focus off of the Lord and put it onto a new building structure...

In my own Christian world, I had my friends, my church acquaintances...but from all, I hid my shame. When I moved in with my parents, my soon to be X kept going to church and very publicly unveiled what was going on, with the exemption of a few small details... Mainly - all knew I left him, all knew I was filing for divorce and some knew of his first affair...and his heart felt story of asking for my forgiveness (which did happen..but sadly lacked sincerity)...

to be continued...