Wednesday, April 15, 2015

A Hard Day

I had to say good-bye to one of my best friends yesterday.  No - she did not pass away, she only moved to Vermont.  I had a much harder time with it than I thought I would because what had happened in the last 12 years was that not only had she become my neighbor and friend, but my help-mate of sorts.  She was the person I could call at any hour for any reason.  She was the person whom I trusted with my animals if I was away.  She was the person who would drop everything to help me if I needed her and vice versa.

Over the last week, I have watched as transport vans have left her farm, first with her small animals - cats and dogs, and then the caravan leaving with all of her furniture.  Walking into her shell of a house nearly broke me and yesterday the final van went down the drive with her 7 horses and then she drove out of Texas for what may be the last time.

It is harder to be left than it is to be the one going on to something new, but she is entering a new and exciting chapter in her life.  I cried like a baby and nothing or nobody could have stopped the tears.  They continued for hours after she left and still well up as I am writing this.

I decided to take a walk down the road to where we are building our house.  I do a lot of praying while I walk and a lot more inside the house.  I actually was not planning on going inside the house, but to check on my new neighbors construction further down the road.  As I turned to walk back, I could see the side of our house where the garages are and looking up, I noticed the french doors were open going out to the Juliette balcony.  This is not uncommon since the door hardware is not on yet and they are only held shut by a plastic piece that goes into the grooves set for the deadbolt.  A strong enough wind can open them.

I walked through the front door and I started to sob.  So many tears rolled down my cheeks, I was leaving a trail into the room that will one day be our bedroom.  I love the feel of that room and was looking for some comfort.  I tried to imagine what it will look like completed, but my sorrow took over and I just continued to cry.

"Why God?"  I asked Him.  "Why did my friend have to move so far away?"

Living on a farm, all of my neighbors are some distance away, so to find such a friend within a short distance was truly a gift!

I picked myself up remembering to go upstairs to shut the french doors.  My posture was slumped and my heart physically hurt.  I walked up the stairs and into the bedroom only to gasp as the site in front of me.  The doors were not only shut - but securely locked...and I know that I know God showed me something right at that very moment.  He showed me that my friend did not know the Lord when we met and through our friendship, she not only came to know Him now, but had such a personal relationship, that she would never turn back. He revealed to me why he brought her into my life, instead of answering my question of why she had to leave.

Of coarse I cried even harder and thanked Him for his great mercy and love.  I know there is a purpose in all of this and even though I still have a great hole in my heart, I will be on the lookout for next chapter in my life.


RiderWriter said...

It is funny that you wrote this and I read it today, because I JUST said goodbye to someone special as well. It was my boss at work. Why all the emotion, you say (I've been on the verge of/in tears the whole day)? Several reasons. One of them is guilt because I feel bad that before I got to know him, I really didn't like him very much. In fact, I cried when I found out he was going to BE my boss! I know he knows I felt that way, but I also know he realizes we learned how to work together very well and along the way became friends. Ironically, I cherish the relationship now and am just extremely sad that he's leaving (for a great opportunity, can't blame him in the least). "I didn't know how good I got it until it was gone" type of thing, I guess. I wrote him a letter and signed our group card, so he knows how much I care, at least.

I also feel empathy for you because even though it's been 10 years, I still feel the pain of losing the very best friend I'd made in years to moving away. I cried for months when I found out they were going. Sadly, we haven't really stayed in touch, either (our children have, luckily). My OTHER best friend who moved away HAS stayed in touch, fortunately, although I've never "replaced" her with someone closer, unfortunately. I desperately miss having a buddy a few houses away.

I'm sorry your friend left. I can imagine living on a farm it's doubly hard because of the isolation and need for trustworthy animal care. I love our next-door neighbors and they watch our doggie, and I'd be very upset indeed if they leave. But to have that person be a dear friend makes it all the more difficult. I'm sorry. :-(

Julie said...

Thank you Rider Writer. Your story was warmly comforting!!

martha said...

Beautiful!!! Thanks for sharing! Praising God with you for His personal and tender touch.