Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Can I Have Just a Minute ....

to myself??? Uggghh.. I find myself thinking that a lot lately...and it makes me feel selfish.

I don't know if my Father is getting better or not.. or if he is just being a baby. I know that sounds harsh.. but Sunday night when I called to see how he was doing, he told me he was going to check himself back into the hospital. He was not getting around like he was before and that something was wrong. That scared me...

The very next morning when I called, he told me he changed his mind and that he was wrong... he later said that he went down to the exercise room and worked out on the bike for 30 minutes. I went to see him Monday night. He made a point to tell me that he knew he was getting better because he could see the muscles in his legs were getting bigger... (are you as confused as I am yet???) .. however, he would not once get off of the sofa. He would not even sit up to eat, opting instead to lay propped up with his dinner plate on his chest...

My oldest brother James is staying over there. He arrived about an hour after me with bags of groceries. Apparently the meal service I had hired ... that Dad told me he liked.. was FIRED and the meals that were delivered that morning were given to the staff of the high rise where he lives.

What do you think is going on here??? He is demanding and wants to be waited on. I feel terrible for my brother James because he is now the main care giver for Dad. I cannot leave my job because 1. we need the income and 2. Don's health insurance is through my work. We have tried hard to do things so that Dad can be independent again.. but although he wants to live in his house... he acts like he does not want to be independent anymore...

8 comments:

Ashley said...

Wow, hard situation. And yes I was very confused. Have you evaluated his state of mind rather than just his physical state?

I will pray for you with this difficult situation. It can sure get tiring :-/

Dianne said...

I think your dad is really not sure what he wants. This is a difficult time for all of you. Maybe he needs some space and time. Is that possble or is he too sick? Praying for all of you. Illness is indeed a family affair.

nancygrayce said...

You know sometimes you just can't figure them out. My mama wouldn't get up and walk when she could and now that she can't, she wants to. I think it may just be part of the aging process, which scares me!

I pray your dad gets better and back to being independent.

Squeak said...

I'm going through the same thing with my elderly mother and have been for years. She phoned one day and told me that the mailman had suggested she get a wheelchair and ramp, since she wasn't getting around as well as she used to. She thought it was a great idea and asked me to give her $20,000. Since she called me on a Saturday, I told her I'd get her a bank draft on Monday (it's easier to acquiesce than it is to argue) and come out to see her. She phoned me back late on Sunday saying she'd changed her mind.

I've had similar issues with a food service (One minute she loves the idea, then she's giving away the food I bought for her) and a grocery shopping service. At first there was no way she was going to have someone other than my sister or I do her shopping; now she loves her grocery service.

I'm afraid you're right: it's part of the aging process. They don't know or like what's happening to them and they behave oddly as a result.

Kat said...

Oh Julie! It sounds like you and your brother have your hands full. I'm so sorry. My Mom is still healthy at 79 (Thank you Lord), but I worry about the future. I'll add you and your brother to my prayer journal.

Hugs,
Kat

Ginger said...

I feel bad for you. I went through that with my mom. You can only do so much...you have to take care of yourself and Don.
It sounded like your dad was getting better, maybe he is just lonely and wanting someone there.

mimi said...

I can relate in many ways as I experience this with my father. I think perhaps your father is suffering from depression and anger. Both are inevitable emotions in formerly strong, independent men who have always been in control but suddenly are losing it. Best luck and stay sane. There will be good days and bad.

gowestferalwoman said...

Oh goodness, Im rehashing the last 10 years reading your post...this is what I learned and I hope it helps.

Sometimes when we age or are seriously hurt, we start to realize we dont have control over things like we use to...

so we compensate by over controlling the things we can control. and it will drive everyone nuts around you.

Most nurses know this pretty well - the patient who cant move out of bed will order them about, even down to the placement of the kleenex box, then change their mind...and these nurses put up with it, but knowing that the situation is temporary...unfortunately for family it isnt.

IMO Since he's changing his mind to fit his moods, give yourself some time to respond verbally and emotionally, rather then reacting quickly. Acknowledge to him that you understand that he has control over these decisions, and when he is really ready to commit to something new, to let him let you know, rather then him waiting for you to ask. He'll be glad you understand that he is still in control of these things, and will be more at ease, giving him less chance of second guessing himself because of fear of loss, man pride, control, health etc.

One thing i can reassure you on is that you are a fantastic daughter and have done well; he knows this and that is why he's sharing his immediate thoughts with you when you ask...